"Hi, Im a sandwich Im just about to tell about my journey threw the digestive system".
Mouth!~
"Im going in!Hey that tickles stop it, ouch!!!now it's starting to hurt". "Finally its over now Im going down to the esophagus, weeeee it was fun".
stomach
"Splash" "where am I oh wait Im in the stomach"."Oh no thats mean Im gonna get digested by the axid in this person body into small bits"."Theres the axid NOOOOOOOOOO!
small intestine
"Ouch ouch ouch very hot". "Whoa look at me I turned into smaller bits"! "Now I must be in the small intestine". In the small intestine it will absorb the vitamins, minerals,
protein and carbohydrate."it's a long way ahead I think Im going to bed". "Wait pray firts..........Amen"!
Big intestine
"Haaaaaaaaap, am I there yet"."Oh look I pass the small intestine" He wake up from the small intestine and end up in the big intestine. "Before I past the big intestine I need to past the colon"."Hei, now I mixed up by the other food and they were squashing me"."Now, I turn into one pile and a view minutes later I will finish my journey for the digestive system!".
5 komentar:
Hi Marchell. I'm sorry but I have to give you a 6 out of 10. This is because you have grammar is not that good, you have spelling mistakes, and you forgot to write your bibliography. I like your story though.
I'm really sorry Marchelle, but I forgot to say that you don't have to many facts, so I guess I'll have to give you a 5.4 out of 10. I'm so, so, so, so, so sorry Marchelle.
I'm very,very,very sorry Marchell I gave you 6 out of 10 ,Because you said "Wait pray firts..........Amen"! And I think there is no meaning of firts, and for the "I'm" you didn't write the '. So it became Im. And you didn't put a dot or a coma after the "sandwich". "Hi, I'm a sandwich I'm just about." You wrote axid for acid. You wrote "now" but then you said "turned". You didn't write enough facts. And you didn't wrote the bibliography.
I think you have to fixed your spelling, punctuation & descreptive on your story. I don't see your bibliography too. I'm so sorry if I gave you 6/10. Don't give up to do your best!
Posting Komentar